Dreams, court ,& those damn eyes......

Hey there 

  So I haven't written in a while, life gets in the way sometimes . I had a dream the other night. Normal run of the mill dream I suppose. The interesting thing is that unlike a " normal" dream I kept waking up to reality for a few short moments and just as quickly falling back into the surrealness of my dreams. My mind didn't want to be awake but didn't like what I was dreaming about. A woman. A woman that I know, not as well as I would like, but we are friends. Not getting into detail, it was a very pleasent dream. The experience left me contemplating, again, my own reality.

Why did my subconscience not want to have this particular dream.  I quickly rationalized that it was because of the 

subject of my dream. It had to be.  I can't honestly say that I have feelings for her but in recent days I have found myself thinking alot about her.   I'm a grown man, and though it has been a decade and a half since I was really single and available, it's hard to go against what you've conditioned yourself for and that automatic reaction. The small amount of guilt I feel is a residual from a relationship that is dead and gone. So "what's the big deal?!?? " I say to myself. The answer is simple, she scares me. Most connections  at a personal level do. Not a overwhelming heart stopping kind of fear but one that causes you to run the opposite direction, screaming and yelling.

" oh hell no!!! " the brain says and the feet follow. It's not a literal escape but one we  put out to keep people at arms length. We all do it to some degree, even with relationships that aren't of the romantic variety. Work, family, friends and potential mates. So the trick is to recognize and defeat this autonomous reaction. Carpe deim, baby ! Easier said than done I'm most cases, since we don't normally realize we are doing it. Once you do, it can be a liberating. Freeing yourself to experience life in a pure form, without your own bullshit in the way. Running at things instead of from them. I've had flashes of this in my life, short lived but incredible. If your lucky, you can find that kind of center in your life and hang on to it, because you should fight for it with everything you got.  the other choice is to be forever " Chasing Amy". A life lived in regret is not a life worth living.  Regret nothing, expect everything 

Stay true 

;ps

Simple things are the best

Hey 

       I got a text from my dad "Aahhhh...A&W ROOT BEER FLOATS...It dont get no better'n this" he says. I told him I agree that it doesn't get any better.

The perfection of the root beer float defies explanation. It is a work of art in a frosty mug. Some of the best memories I have as a kid are making root beer floats with my mom and my sisters. 

           The text started me thinking of how many simple things in our world Are also perfect in their own way. Freshly mown grass , warm summer rains, the first snow. In Alaska we have a few that are unique for our state. The northern lights , fireweed ( a native flowering plant), summer nights that don't end, and the state fair in the fall. These are the things that are on my list anyway. Our state holds many things that are simple and wonderful. It's different everyone. Once you've gone to Alaska, you never come all the way back is the saying. Not to sound like an ad for the board of tourism but Alaska is also on that list. Because its as simple as where you live. We tend to complicate our lives on search of more when the reality is that simplicity IS more.

     If we find perfection in the simplest of things then the quest for something better becomes null and void. You found it already, search for the simple thing that makes something awesome. Do that and maybe we can find the awesome in each other, the simple thing that perfect about you and everyone.

Stay true 

PS